As a writer aspiring to be published i have decided to maintain a blog to chronicle my journey towards getting published. This blog will in addition house a few of my sample pieces of writing and my opinions about the books that I read.
I'll rant and rave there, I'll brood and rejoice there. Keep reading regularly and post your comments and opinions.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men
had to post something!! so here goes a collection! a bit modified
The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men
1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by some Shah, who once told some Remya, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include our style:
anarchist- Oh Yeah, shit-loads !
vineet- Would it make you feel better if I said yes? (and can have the wine now? atleast)
some sage in himalayas- That depends on what you mean by love.
tempester- Does it matter?(can v go to bed now?)
madcap - Who, me? yeah sure.. anything...
Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are:
sage- Compared to what?
madcap- I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
portwine vineet- A little extra weight looks good on you.
shah o Blah- I've seen fatter.(been fatter!!)
anarchist- Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses from us would include:
Port vin- Yes, but you have a better personality.
tempester- Not prettier, but definitely thinner .
anarchist- Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
sage- first of all - Define pretty!!
Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: ( a case in point would be mr.madcap)
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
madcap: Definitely not! (Yeeeaaaaaah right!!)
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
madcap: Of course I do. ( other gals feel safe with me:-) !! )
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
madcap: Okay, I'd get married again. (if u insist .. )
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)(dam her for that!!)
madcap: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
madcap: Where else would we sleep? ( ive got ideas! - public train, my friends car, etc ) (we know him right?)
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
madcap: That would seem like the proper thing to do. ( yeah with those hidden ones on the comp)
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
madcap: She can't use them; she's left-handed. (oooooops!!)
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
madcap: Sh&%.
The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men
1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by some Shah, who once told some Remya, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include our style:
anarchist- Oh Yeah, shit-loads !
vineet- Would it make you feel better if I said yes? (and can have the wine now? atleast)
some sage in himalayas- That depends on what you mean by love.
tempester- Does it matter?(can v go to bed now?)
madcap - Who, me? yeah sure.. anything...
Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are:
sage- Compared to what?
madcap- I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
portwine vineet- A little extra weight looks good on you.
shah o Blah- I've seen fatter.(been fatter!!)
anarchist- Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses from us would include:
Port vin- Yes, but you have a better personality.
tempester- Not prettier, but definitely thinner .
anarchist- Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
sage- first of all - Define pretty!!
Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: ( a case in point would be mr.madcap)
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
madcap: Definitely not! (Yeeeaaaaaah right!!)
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
madcap: Of course I do. ( other gals feel safe with me:-) !! )
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
madcap: Okay, I'd get married again. (if u insist .. )
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)(dam her for that!!)
madcap: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
madcap: Where else would we sleep? ( ive got ideas! - public train, my friends car, etc ) (we know him right?)
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
madcap: That would seem like the proper thing to do. ( yeah with those hidden ones on the comp)
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
madcap: She can't use them; she's left-handed. (oooooops!!)
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
madcap: Sh&%.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Not the last
She looked good, infact she looked great! She had her hair neatly made up. She looked like an angel, she was all i had my eyes for. The walk she walked, and the smile she smiled, I was slipping and sliding in my tracks, I was walking to keep pace with her, I was stopping to avoid catching up with her. I was awed by her, I was frightened of her. She was sitting by the water-drained swimming pool, looking into the pool, if it had held water the pool would have reflected her beautiful face, enabling me to stay behind her and yet catch a glimpse of her, but now i had to take the chance. I did not know what was getting to me, but this was amazing, i was dying to get a glance at her but petrified of getting one from her. Such courage had never come over me, i walked right up there and sat beside her. She smiled at me, god! heaven! what a face! what eyes! she looked at the others and what they were doing, and quite suddenly she said "Lets dance" and yes, we danced, ball dancing in an empty swimming pool. In no time we were in love.
That was in LKG, we lasted till UKG, after which we had to part, higher studies had beckoned me. First love. And by no means the last.
That was in LKG, we lasted till UKG, after which we had to part, higher studies had beckoned me. First love. And by no means the last.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Prologue: 18 School Road..
Akash stood in front of the huge building and looked at the enormous
structure. It was hard to believe that here he would have his
victory. People moved in quickly, not bothering to realize the
significance of the moment, but ofcourse! they were also in a hurry to catch
their seats.
He was in no hurry, in fact he was trying to savour the taste of
his achievement. To any other person just appreciating such an effort would
have seemed enough, but such ordinary souls can never know the true
pleasure of achievement.
Inside - the whole stadium was jam packed, every square inch seemed
occupied. But Akash was not worrying about his seat; he had one
on the dias. He was 36 but felt more like 50, the receeding hairline
and the slight wrinkles on his face bore witness to the hours that he
had put into his work, the days he had spent immersed in duty and the nights he had spent denying his begging eyes the pleasure of sleep; And now finally he had something to show for
it.
On the stage, he was the youngest of the dignitaries, but had he not
seen more than them all? Looking at the vast gathering, stirred in him
a sense of loneliness that he had cultivated within, his spirits were
questioning him. There was turmoil in his mind, his decisions were
haunting him.
Had he been right in his decisions?
Had he acted too soon?
The battle with these questions had been raging ever since that fatal day. The day the earth shuddered and the ocean sneezed.
The tsunami had destroyed every thing in its path, shores, buildings,
resorts, fishing communities, and lives. The mere ripple in the mighty
ocean had snuffed out the faith from pious souls and put the fear of god into the hearts of the faithless. People's lives had been turned upside down. Souls had repented in agony when their loved ones met the sea on land. It had taken only a
moment to impact millions of lives. It would take lifetimes to undo that moment.
A lakh and a half had lost their lives and it left more suffering from starvation
and disease. It has been 15 years since, but homes and eyes weep even
today.
After the guests had spoken flattering words in his honor, they moved down towards their special seats. When he settled down in his seat he began looking around for
her, ofcourse she had to be there somewhere. Just then he saw Sunitha
and their eyes met. She came upto him, with her ever comforting smile
and ease of character she slipped her palm into his.
"Its been a long time" she said, "Yes, and good of you to come". As he
looked at her, he realized that she looked a lot younger than him.
"looks as if you never started aging, secret magic potion uh?" he asked.
Was she smiling now or blushing?
He was about to ask her about her family when someone came up behind
her. "This is my husband Kabir, and Kabir, this is Akash", Sunitha made the introductions, they shook hands. "I am proud that my wife knows you" said Kabir
"It is nice of you to have come" Akash added. Just then the announcement began, Sunitha and Kabir congratulated Akash again and headed off to their seats.
As he watched Sunitha and her husband head to their seats, he caught
sight of a dupatta- lo! she had chosen that color,
a bracelet- he knew the shop where it came from
a face- yes, he had been in love once ...
and his mind flew, across years and events and time ...now he could hardly hear the thousands in the crowd chant a name, the music began, the crowds went wild.
The stage was set but Akash slowly flew back to ...
to a time when the road were playfields, to an age when eyelashes fluttered to break hearts, to a place called 18 school road...where it all really began.
--
structure. It was hard to believe that here he would have his
victory. People moved in quickly, not bothering to realize the
significance of the moment, but ofcourse! they were also in a hurry to catch
their seats.
He was in no hurry, in fact he was trying to savour the taste of
his achievement. To any other person just appreciating such an effort would
have seemed enough, but such ordinary souls can never know the true
pleasure of achievement.
Inside - the whole stadium was jam packed, every square inch seemed
occupied. But Akash was not worrying about his seat; he had one
on the dias. He was 36 but felt more like 50, the receeding hairline
and the slight wrinkles on his face bore witness to the hours that he
had put into his work, the days he had spent immersed in duty and the nights he had spent denying his begging eyes the pleasure of sleep; And now finally he had something to show for
it.
On the stage, he was the youngest of the dignitaries, but had he not
seen more than them all? Looking at the vast gathering, stirred in him
a sense of loneliness that he had cultivated within, his spirits were
questioning him. There was turmoil in his mind, his decisions were
haunting him.
Had he been right in his decisions?
Had he acted too soon?
The battle with these questions had been raging ever since that fatal day. The day the earth shuddered and the ocean sneezed.
The tsunami had destroyed every thing in its path, shores, buildings,
resorts, fishing communities, and lives. The mere ripple in the mighty
ocean had snuffed out the faith from pious souls and put the fear of god into the hearts of the faithless. People's lives had been turned upside down. Souls had repented in agony when their loved ones met the sea on land. It had taken only a
moment to impact millions of lives. It would take lifetimes to undo that moment.
A lakh and a half had lost their lives and it left more suffering from starvation
and disease. It has been 15 years since, but homes and eyes weep even
today.
After the guests had spoken flattering words in his honor, they moved down towards their special seats. When he settled down in his seat he began looking around for
her, ofcourse she had to be there somewhere. Just then he saw Sunitha
and their eyes met. She came upto him, with her ever comforting smile
and ease of character she slipped her palm into his.
"Its been a long time" she said, "Yes, and good of you to come". As he
looked at her, he realized that she looked a lot younger than him.
"looks as if you never started aging, secret magic potion uh?" he asked.
Was she smiling now or blushing?
He was about to ask her about her family when someone came up behind
her. "This is my husband Kabir, and Kabir, this is Akash", Sunitha made the introductions, they shook hands. "I am proud that my wife knows you" said Kabir
"It is nice of you to have come" Akash added. Just then the announcement began, Sunitha and Kabir congratulated Akash again and headed off to their seats.
As he watched Sunitha and her husband head to their seats, he caught
sight of a dupatta- lo! she had chosen that color,
a bracelet- he knew the shop where it came from
a face- yes, he had been in love once ...
and his mind flew, across years and events and time ...now he could hardly hear the thousands in the crowd chant a name, the music began, the crowds went wild.
The stage was set but Akash slowly flew back to ...
to a time when the road were playfields, to an age when eyelashes fluttered to break hearts, to a place called 18 school road...where it all really began.
--
Monday, June 05, 2006
Before the monsoons came
In cochin, lakes around us, trees bathing in the perennial rain, the smell of puttu and meen curry, the silent cooing of a bird hidden by the glorious view, the rising sun, us guys and a life.
The rains hadnt arrived yet, it was may after all, and yet it poured; not the rain that brings the gods, but the rain that wets, entices and receeds. It wasnt monsoon yet, but we feared that rain may come and spoil our week long vacation. It hinted so at the very outset, the first morning was spent indoors, five young guys watching a romantic comedy, those were the 'anything goes' days. We werent prejudiced against a kind of cinema, or genre of books - hell we went and sat among cheering kids to watch harry potter meet a prisoner from god knows where. We had'nt met the monsoon yet.
A ferry ride to the other side of the city, gliding through the waters that made room for the huge container ships and the rain drenched fishermen. We were just spectators, the skyline of the port city was performing, the unmoving beauty moving hearts. A walk on the shores of the sea, on the edges of a great nation, sea clammering against the man made wall, trying hard to claim a piece of the beauty we stood on. A shimmering glimmering sun preparing to drown on the far side of the ocean. We stood mesmerised, virgin men who had'nt met the monsoon yet.
A drive to the lake paradise called Alleppey, a king's feast in a loving home to celebrate the birthday of a boy we knew for just that one day. A hearty burp.
A rented boat, five friends, two hours of solitude. Crushes were disclosed, stories were shared, tomorow will be a struggle, today was magic. Birds in the sky, fish in the river, smiling boys who had'nt met the monsoon yet.
That trip ended in hugs, And Something else ended too. For as soon as we left the monsoon came. It was bound to catch up with us. After all Indian trains are known to be slow.
The rains hadnt arrived yet, it was may after all, and yet it poured; not the rain that brings the gods, but the rain that wets, entices and receeds. It wasnt monsoon yet, but we feared that rain may come and spoil our week long vacation. It hinted so at the very outset, the first morning was spent indoors, five young guys watching a romantic comedy, those were the 'anything goes' days. We werent prejudiced against a kind of cinema, or genre of books - hell we went and sat among cheering kids to watch harry potter meet a prisoner from god knows where. We had'nt met the monsoon yet.
A ferry ride to the other side of the city, gliding through the waters that made room for the huge container ships and the rain drenched fishermen. We were just spectators, the skyline of the port city was performing, the unmoving beauty moving hearts. A walk on the shores of the sea, on the edges of a great nation, sea clammering against the man made wall, trying hard to claim a piece of the beauty we stood on. A shimmering glimmering sun preparing to drown on the far side of the ocean. We stood mesmerised, virgin men who had'nt met the monsoon yet.
A drive to the lake paradise called Alleppey, a king's feast in a loving home to celebrate the birthday of a boy we knew for just that one day. A hearty burp.
A rented boat, five friends, two hours of solitude. Crushes were disclosed, stories were shared, tomorow will be a struggle, today was magic. Birds in the sky, fish in the river, smiling boys who had'nt met the monsoon yet.
That trip ended in hugs, And Something else ended too. For as soon as we left the monsoon came. It was bound to catch up with us. After all Indian trains are known to be slow.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
10 b' memories...
(phone call)
ham - hey how about group study ure place da...
me - wokay!! i like the idea (grinning and telling myself - last time shanky, mama and I had a group study we broke the table fan - lets see where we can get this time)
(2 hrs and a shower later - ham arrives)
After casual conversation with mum we head to the room...
me - so wht today da...?
ham - u like her right?
me - sachin man - amazing - u saw the game yday?
(meanwhile phone rings - arvind on the line)
arvind - saw the game yday dude? sachin awesome man !!! where's the cd u promised da - cricket 97
me - sachin - god da!! cd tomorrow da - still playing. ok dude bye!
----
me - so wht did we say we're going to do?
ham - u like her right?
me - er...hmmm... (smile)
ham - (grinning) i knew it - i knew it!!! u like her right?
me - no da.. srk sucks man!
ham - call her da.
me - what? er...noo!
ham - lets call her da!
me - u call...(now really interested)
ham - miss call?
me - no da .. u talk - we'll say sthing!
ham - ok number de
me - **********
(its ringing)
ham - shhhh!! chup kar na
(her mum picks up)
ham - hello (meekly)
aunty - hello who is this?
ham - can I speak to $#$#?
aunty - who is this?
ham - (looks at me, appearing very shaky and finally replies) Arjun maybe!
aunty -er? ok ok - she is studying...cant speak now. Call later.
(ham hangs up)
ham - phew! saala bach gaya :-)
me - bata na ! bata na! kya hua...
ham - nothing yaar... told her i'm arjun (chuckles)
me - why do you have to mess things up da?
ham - u like her right?
me - $%$%#^$%&%^&
ham - hey how about group study ure place da...
me - wokay!! i like the idea (grinning and telling myself - last time shanky, mama and I had a group study we broke the table fan - lets see where we can get this time)
(2 hrs and a shower later - ham arrives)
After casual conversation with mum we head to the room...
me - so wht today da...?
ham - u like her right?
me - sachin man - amazing - u saw the game yday?
(meanwhile phone rings - arvind on the line)
arvind - saw the game yday dude? sachin awesome man !!! where's the cd u promised da - cricket 97
me - sachin - god da!! cd tomorrow da - still playing. ok dude bye!
----
me - so wht did we say we're going to do?
ham - u like her right?
me - er...hmmm... (smile)
ham - (grinning) i knew it - i knew it!!! u like her right?
me - no da.. srk sucks man!
ham - call her da.
me - what? er...noo!
ham - lets call her da!
me - u call...(now really interested)
ham - miss call?
me - no da .. u talk - we'll say sthing!
ham - ok number de
me - **********
(its ringing)
ham - shhhh!! chup kar na
(her mum picks up)
ham - hello (meekly)
aunty - hello who is this?
ham - can I speak to $#$#?
aunty - who is this?
ham - (looks at me, appearing very shaky and finally replies) Arjun maybe!
aunty -er? ok ok - she is studying...cant speak now. Call later.
(ham hangs up)
ham - phew! saala bach gaya :-)
me - bata na ! bata na! kya hua...
ham - nothing yaar... told her i'm arjun (chuckles)
me - why do you have to mess things up da?
ham - u like her right?
me - $%$%#^$%&%^&
Ashy Express
Some conversations are forever....they stay in your memories and they symbolize the kind of ppl we r and the relationship we share...
so here r some pearls..
11th std starting
Ham: why the hell did u go propose to that girl??
Ashy: Cuz u like her...
11th std ending
Ham: I told her i love her
Ashy: And....
Ham: She clued me into what she feels
Ashy: ??
Ham: She said she wont tell me untill she tells, but when she does it will be affirmative...
Ashy: smart girl..
12th std
Ham: She saw u in those glasses and thought u looked particularly horny
Ashy: uh?
Ham: Apparently she thinks horny means funny.
Ashy: Hmm...sighhh..
College 1st yr
Ashy: (emotional) i love her god dammit!
Ham: what about charu?
Ashy: her too..
Ham: what about ...
Ashy: fuck you!
College 2nd yr
Ham: She introduced me to her dad..
Ashy: As what?
ham: A good, close friend (beaming)
Ashy: So you screwed it up again..
College 3rd yr
Ashy: I had tea in her place
Ham: ok..?
Ashy: I am almost there...
Ham: yeah...almost..
College final year
Ashy: It has to be special to last 2 years...
Ham: In which time you met her 3 times .....a total of 45 mins...
Ashy: She runs a buisness in Mauritius...he dad has numerous companies...uncle owns satyam theatres....bla ..bla..
Ham: Well, its special as hell...can we get nightshow tickets?
Come back da....miss ya a lot
so here r some pearls..
11th std starting
Ham: why the hell did u go propose to that girl??
Ashy: Cuz u like her...
11th std ending
Ham: I told her i love her
Ashy: And....
Ham: She clued me into what she feels
Ashy: ??
Ham: She said she wont tell me untill she tells, but when she does it will be affirmative...
Ashy: smart girl..
12th std
Ham: She saw u in those glasses and thought u looked particularly horny
Ashy: uh?
Ham: Apparently she thinks horny means funny.
Ashy: Hmm...sighhh..
College 1st yr
Ashy: (emotional) i love her god dammit!
Ham: what about charu?
Ashy: her too..
Ham: what about ...
Ashy: fuck you!
College 2nd yr
Ham: She introduced me to her dad..
Ashy: As what?
ham: A good, close friend (beaming)
Ashy: So you screwed it up again..
College 3rd yr
Ashy: I had tea in her place
Ham: ok..?
Ashy: I am almost there...
Ham: yeah...almost..
College final year
Ashy: It has to be special to last 2 years...
Ham: In which time you met her 3 times .....a total of 45 mins...
Ashy: She runs a buisness in Mauritius...he dad has numerous companies...uncle owns satyam theatres....bla ..bla..
Ham: Well, its special as hell...can we get nightshow tickets?
Come back da....miss ya a lot
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